We talk a lot about change.
We describe it as being constant, difficult to manage and never ending.
I think we experience two kinds of change. Change we make happen and change that happens to us. While I acknowledge that the former is more desirable, on the face of it, change is change.
During my studies at Royal Roads University, I was introduced to the work of William Bridges. In his book Managing Transitions - Making the most of change I learned that change is the event that happens, and transition – all that stuff that happens after the event, is a process we move through. What I realized is that while we talk about change, we don’t often talk about transition, or we confuse the two.
Bridges (2003) identified three stages of transition that occur as a result of change. The ending, the neutral zone and the new beginning. What you are reading now is the first in a series of three blogs about transition, focused on endings.
The first stage of change is the ending, the place where change has occurred and transition begins.
Endings are about something going away. For most of us, letting go of something familiar and known can be difficult, even if it was our own choice, or we were expecting it.
“The starting point for dealing with transition is not the outcome but the ending you’ll have to make to leave the old situation behind. ”
Not all loss has a negative impact, nor does it necessarily leave you feeling sad. What endings are, is about letting go. The steps below outline a strategy for moving through this first stage of transition - letting go, so you don’t get stuck in the ending.
Name it.
Be specific about what you are losing. Go beyond the change event and explore what else is there. If it is your job or career that is changing, you might feel you are losing your identity, or in very real terms income and security. Naming the loss gives you a place to move forward from.
Expect to feel the loss.
Even when the change is positive, like preparing to take a maternity leave, there is still loss. The loss of a familiar routine and schedule, of missing out on interesting and challenging assignments, or even being “forgotten” while you are at home with your baby. It’s natural to experience loss during this stage of transition.
Be clear about what is over, and what is not.
Yes, there is loss, AND there is so much still available to you. In the case of retirement, leaving your career creates an opportunity to redefine your purpose, and explore new avenues to apply your skills, knowledge and experience.
Acknowledge the past.
You know you can’t change your past, nor should you pretend it never happened. Everything that has happened, the triumphs and the failures, made you who you are today. Leverage those past experiences and learnings to create stepping stones to a new future.
Move on.
Once you’ve become clear about what you’ve lost with the ending, given yourself the time and space to experience it and identify what you can bring forward into your future, mark the ending and move on.
The transition from ending to new beginning can be uncertain and messy. You’re caught between old and new. It’s also a place where creativity, risk taking and experimentation thrive. I’ll talk about this neutral zone in my next blog – Transitions Part Two – Shifting from Neutral to Drive.
