I’m beginning to collect a few words that I mindfully avoid using. If you read my earlier blog “And is a better way to go” you know that BUT is one of them. Tied with BUT for first place is SHOULD.
You’ve probably noticed that should is rather limiting. It is most commonly used to express regret. I should have. Or compliance. I should.
When I’m working with a new client, I hear SHOULD a lot. In fact, it’s one of the first things I bring to their attention. My role as coach is to help my client find their best performance and when should is in the room, that’s just not possible.
When I hear I should have, I hear regret, disappointment and judgement. Sometimes I even hear shame. When I hear I should, I hear that is what I’m supposed to do. Should have or should, the sentiment is the same - I’m not enough, I’m not measuring up or I missed the mark, and nothing about that is true.
When you say something about yourself, for your ears or someone else’s, you make it so.
In his book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz wrote, “The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic”. Wow.
SHOULD shuts the magic down. It’s like wearing a coat that is too small. It’s tight, uncomfortable and maybe even out of your current style. It doesn’t fit - because should is about fulfilling someone else’s version of who you are, and where is the magic in that?
Imagine for a moment what’s possible when you remove SHOULD from your vocabulary. What’s available to you when you use words that speak to who you are and the choices you did make? It’s from here that you can explore what you did do, or didn’t do, or won’t do.
Choose words that express a perspective of where you are, not where you ought to be. When you speak your truth, not someone else’s, you gift yourself with being able to discover what might be holding you back, moving you forward or keeping you where you are.
Select your words wisely, use them to empower, encourage, and enrich. It’s from this place, your authentic place, where your words are the tool of magic.
